Ten 'cool' songs that are actually terrible

No-one likes a negative soul, a complainer, a knocker - and god knows I try to be positive (it doesn't come naturally). But no, sometimes it all gets too much. Today is one such occasion. This morning, having seen that Guardian music writers had placed the Pet Shop Boys' tiresome West End Girls at the top of a supposed 100 greatest UK No1 singles list, something snapped. A fragile filament in my wobbly brain. Ding! Another loose wire ... Yes, yes, I know it's beneath the great Niluccio on noise to care about such lowly matters. Trite Guardian page-fillers. Idiotic lists - top 100 this, top ten that. It's all so infantile. On the other hand, one must rouse oneself to action every now and then. So, here's my response. It's the Niluccio on noise Ten 'Cool' Songs That Are Actually Terrible list (a list, you'll note, is not infantile when I do it).

David Bowie, Ziggy Stardust 

Beatles, Strawberry Fields Forever

Waterboys, The Whole Of The Moon

Pet Shop Boys, West End Girls

Ash, Girl From Mars

Fleetwood Mac, Go Your Own Way

The Jam, The Eton Rifles

Kate Bush, Wuthering Heights

Artic Monkeys, I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefoor

Stone Roses, I Am The Resurrection

Ziggy played guitar (but not to everyone's satisfaction)

It's an amazing selection, I'm sure you'll agree. They're in no particular order (in fact they're all equally bottom of the list). To be clear - I think these are not simply "bad" songs, because there are obviously thousands of much worse ones. Instead, these are faintly "cool" songs that people (with apparently otherwise OK taste in music) seem to have convinced themselves are the genuine article. Real pop or rock "classics" or whatever. Another one, now I think about it, is the Bangles' Manic Monday - very irritating. And what about The La's' far-too-highly-rated There She Goes? Yes, could easily have been in this list as well. And quite a few others like this ... So no, please don't enjoy these songs when they next come on on a radio near you (as I'm sure they will). Don't find yourself reminiscing about the time in your life when these songs were first released or came to your attention. And don't, whatever you do, contact me to tell me how wrong I've got all this and that actually West End Girls is a "polished, glistening pop masterpiece" and that I should stick to writing meaningless blogs about some boring gig I've just been to.* 

(*Actually, feel free. It's your prerogative).